i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
