I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
