my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my phone needs a breathalizer
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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