So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
