You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
