so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Four minutes until I can fart!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
