and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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