bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
