guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
