can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you traded sex for a burrito?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
