omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
