it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
