P.S. I can't hear my feet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
