I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
