My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
