if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
