Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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