Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
