So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
