she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
