whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
