im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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