I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Randomize
