yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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