Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
