I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
