How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
