I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
