You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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