That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
