I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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