Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
