Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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