Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
