Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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