btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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