You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
