I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
farters have to be the big spoon...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
