I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
