Me too!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
