I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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