yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
