I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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