I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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