haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can I color on your dick again?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
