just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
