she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I currently don't understand fingers.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
