i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
