I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
