dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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