You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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