I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
