I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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