hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
