I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
